If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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