the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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