so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
