His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
