Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
