somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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