it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
