God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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