Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
