When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
