i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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