He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
