Do vagina's smell?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
