Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
