I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
