Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
