he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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