I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
