He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
