You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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