I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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