there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So here I am, sexting at work.
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