She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
