my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
