I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
