I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
