I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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