So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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