I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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