You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
