i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
