so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
