fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
