quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
