The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
