he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My butt remains clenched, sir.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
