i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
