How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
