I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this will be a night to untag.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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