Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
