wat bout pragnant strippers??
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
