I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
