This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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