if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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