I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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