I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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