he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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