Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
