You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
