You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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