I wish I could teleport
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
