you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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