I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
