At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
