Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
