The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
